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This Just In! Late Breaking News

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MrTim View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Dec 2017 at 5:12am
Your "Elf on the Shelf" may be a cheap knock-off;  Many unscrupulous manufacturers dressing up shaved monkeys as a substitute;  Kids can't tell difference, being creeped out by both fake and real
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 Dec 2017 at 5:49am
Dumbest criminal of the holiday season:  She thought she could get away with it


https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/crime/framingham-woman-tries-to-shoplift-during-‘shop-with-a-cop’-event-police-say/ar-BBH5gvp?li=BBnbcA1&amp;utm_source=fark&amp;utm_medium=website&amp;utm_content=link&amp;ICID=ref_fark
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 Dec 2017 at 5:03am
Christmas 2017 ER Report:  Only 4 men admitted to ER this year for tying a bow too tightly to their 'packages';  One also had to be cut out of his Santa suit
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Dec 2017 at 5:55am
A study shows that your office tea bags may contain 17 times more germs than a toilet seat;  Researchers say "You really don't want to know what's in your office fridge!"  



http://www.viralnova.com/tea-bag-bacteria/
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Dec 2017 at 6:03am
Returns down 70% after UK retailers upped ante for this year's Boxing Day by hiring pros;  Tradition has it that you must defeat a store employee in a boxing match before being allowed to return or exchange a gift
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Jan 2018 at 5:41am
Food companies slowly dropping MSG;  Most have found that adding actual salt to their products "greatly improves the flavor"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 Jan 2018 at 5:31am
Vagina Museum opens up next to Penis Museum;  New Baby Museum down the street expected to arrive later this year

https://www.vaginamuseum.co.uk/about
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 Jan 2018 at 11:00pm
Freezing temps affecting most of nation;  After almost a year in office, Trump puts an end to Global Warming
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 07 Jan 2018 at 5:31am
New marijuana strain combines THC with potent form of tryptophan;  Test subjects claim "It's like inhaling a Thanksgiving turkey!  You do get a little sleepy, but there's no munchies afterward."
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Jan 2018 at 5:03am
Tourist OD's on Viagra, goes on naked rampage through airport;  Cops wore eye protection, extra gloves while wrestling him to ground to avoid any "shooting accidents"

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/american-tourist-overdosed-viagra-strolls-11812119?ICID=ref_fark
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angry McPisseron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Jan 2018 at 5:21am
Juneau AK. (AP)
Mini malls throughout the Mendenhall Valley have installed free laundry sets (washing machines and dryers) to ease the blight of methheads, heroine addicts, and other assorted wastoids washing their clothes in public urinals.




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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Jan 2018 at 10:57pm
Oprah may be running for president in 2020;  A free car is promised for everyone, but you'll have to share it
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Jan 2018 at 5:54am
^^If you don't get the joke, it is only ONE free car that the entire nation must share, not one for every person  Wink

Move over Hamilton!;  Michael Wolff's pot-stirring book, Fire and Fury: Inside the Trump White House to be made into a Broadway play
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Jan 2018 at 5:21am
Man bursts into flames after being Tasered by French cops;  Perp "was saturated with strong wine and flammable cologne"

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-5254045/Man-bursts-FLAMES-hes-tasered-French-police.html?ito=social-facebook&utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Jan 2018 at 5:48am
Fake nuclear attack warning in Hawaii still going to cause an explosion;  Last minute "Let's go screw one last time before we die" hookups will result in a mini 'baby boom' in 9 months
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Jan 2018 at 5:14am
2016 election not over yet; Hillary Clinton could still become president of Russia if probe finds conspiracy evidence
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Jan 2018 at 5:07am
Be Alert!  Scientists warn that something very hard is headed for Uranus
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angry McPisseron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Jan 2018 at 5:43am
Originally posted by MrTim MrTim wrote:

Be Alert!  Scientists warn that something very hard is headed for Uranus
 
Some astronomers have taken to pronouncing it, "YER'uh nus" (instead of the traditional pronunciation of, "yer AIN' us") in effort to help stem the tide of ass jokes. LOL

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Jan 2018 at 5:03am
Update to previous story:  Hubble has spotted something coming out of Uranus;  Astronomers also seeking to change the name of their profession due to too many 'ass' jokes
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Jan 2018 at 5:40am
Pestered by werewolves and out of silver bullets?  Cryptozoologists say you can easily drive them off with a hard swat to the snout with a rolled up newspaper
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 Jan 2018 at 5:26am
In Entertainment News:
  People laughed at Amy Schumer when she said she was going to grow up to become a comedienne;  Nobody is laughing now...

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Jan 2018 at 5:11am
Due to threat of exinction to polar bears, California to make giving plastic straws a felony;  Legislators also moving to decriminalize sucking dick, citing "personal reasons"


(You have to read this one, just to comprehend the reasons behind it)
https://legalinsurrection.com/2018/01/california-toys-with-1000-fine-jail-time-for-waiters-who-offer-patrons-plastic-straws/
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 29 Jan 2018 at 4:56am
Apple introducing a new, larger iPad:  The new device is called the Flablet and can be used as a scale;  It will even use famous comedian voices to heckle you about how fat you are
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 Jan 2018 at 5:22am
Cleveland Indians dropping Indian-with-a-feather Chief Yahoo, replacing him with an Indian-with-a-dot;  New replacement mascot to be Jonny Quest's Hadji, with hopes of tapping into lucrative India sports market
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Feb 2018 at 5:05am
Getting rid of the evidence?  Body purportedly hidden in the trunk of Tesla car set to go into space on rocket;  Denials setting into motion new 'urban legend'
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