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This Just In! Late Breaking News

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MrTim View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Jun 2020 at 5:47am
CHAZ occupiers screaming for foreign aid, claim they are hungry;  Crops failing despite rain, and activists are demanding Gatorade to drink instead of water
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 15 Jun 2020 at 6:04am
TP hoarders now dipping into their stashes:  Mestizo Ecoli declared leader of the Seattle CHAZ territory;  "He was a hard runner, and nobody else even came close to the effect he had" say anonymous insiders
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Jun 2020 at 6:02am
Reality copying fiction as walled-off Seattle CHAZ turns into a parody of the iZombie TV show;  "It's getting crazy in here!  People are starting to eat their own brains!"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Jun 2020 at 5:51am
Scientists confirm that climate change is back with a vengeance this spring and summer;  Observations show that snow falling from clouds is melting before it can reach the ground, disproving global cooling
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Jun 2020 at 5:35am
Officials say don't ignore the warning signs, and take your pet to AA meetings immediately;  Monkey goes on killing spree after running out of booze

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8435243/Alcoholic-killer-monkey-leaves-one-man-dead-250-injured-going-rampage.html?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Jun 2020 at 6:38am
Tips for men who frequent online dating sites:  Lose the pic with your cat;  Research shows that you have a better chance of getting p**** if you don't reveal you have a kitty


https://www.insidehook.com/daily_brief/sex-and-dating/women-dont-date-men-with-cats
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 Jun 2020 at 6:17am
People who tie their shoes warned to change their footware;  The loops may be construed as nooses, thus displaying a secret racist code to others
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 27 Jun 2020 at 5:49am
Attention men!  You have permission to tightly cross your legs for this news story:


https://nypost.com/2020/06/24/leech-swims-up-mans-penis-drinks-pint-of-blood-before-docs-pull-it-out/?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 28 Jun 2020 at 5:41am
Dixie Cups to change it's name due to perceived link to the Confederacy and slavery;  Fairies now upset over the name "Pixie Cups", plan protests, boycotting
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 30 Jun 2020 at 6:21am
Words and phrases containing "master" now on the list of triggering slavery words;  For example, saying you are "m*****bating in the m***** bathroom" is now politically incorrect on so many levels and may offend someone somewhere
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Jul 2020 at 5:47am
FaceBook getting "totes serious" over Coronavirus pandemic, issues warning:  "FaceBook users should place a mask over their screen to prevent the spread of Covid-19 among our online community. We are all in this together!"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 Jul 2020 at 6:34am
Is Hamilton next?  The hit musical, now a movie, celebrates the American Founding so unabashedly that it could be a ripe target for cancellation
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 04 Jul 2020 at 6:04am
Senate accidentally passes bill to stop paying dead people;  Though they can no longer donate their money to PACs, most can still vote


https://dailycaller.com/2020/07/02/senate-accidentally-passes-bill-stop-paying-dead-people-rand-paul/
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 05 Jul 2020 at 5:37am
Time to buy new shoes? New study says if you want longer toes, then let your toe nails grow out;  Your toes can grow up to a millimeter longer trying to keep up with nail growth
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Jul 2020 at 5:53am
Land O Lake's Indian maiden to be replaced by iconic North American river mammal;  New buck-toothed furry animal will be known as "Little Beaver" after winning popular vote in naming contest
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Jul 2020 at 5:47am
Grade-school kids organizing protests to reopen schools this fall;  "We can't stand our parents anymore, and want to go back to school!"; Students attending colleges & universities also upset at having to pay full tuition for remote learning
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Jul 2020 at 5:33am
National Parks issue warning: "Do not approach any bears that are not wearing masks.  They may have COVID-19";  Prudent visitors also avoiding other non-mask wearing animals, though some have been fooled by raccoons
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Jul 2020 at 6:08am
Do you sometimes think that particular songs or music stinks? It may be true!  Neurologists say that you can actually smell sounds when certain parts of your brain get overactive
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Jul 2020 at 6:14am
Sports Illustrated to Feature First "Trans" Model In Its Swimsuit Edition;  To Make It More Interesting, They Won't Tell You Who It Is!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 16 Jul 2020 at 6:12am
Burger King changing it's beef to taste 33% less like cow farts;  BK feeding cows lemongrass to reduce bovine methane emissions, but some experts call bullsh*t
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Jul 2020 at 6:13am
Research shows that there have been three Chinese internet bots created for every person on Earth;  Fortunately, most are lazy and tend to 'stalk' each other on Facebook rather than bother other websites
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Jul 2020 at 6:40am
Mickey & Minnie Mouse accused of being in blackface;  BLM and Antifa protestors begin laying seige to Cinderella's castle
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 21 Jul 2020 at 5:58am
Sales expected to skyrocket after Red Bull clears out it's "social justice warrior" employees;  Two top CEOs and entire marketing teams let go in massive 'firing massacre'

https://www.revolver.news/2020/07/red-bull-fires-black-lives-matter-employees/
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Jul 2020 at 6:04am
Mask mandates not affecting the psychotic killer clowns running through your neighborhood at night;  Most caught on camera are wearing skull teeth or bloody fangs masks over their mouths;  Concerned officials say not to call 911 to deal with them, but to instead summon social workers who can help these misunderstood individuals
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 Jul 2020 at 6:40am
Preview of Fall 2020 TV Season:  Due to production shutdowns because of virus, expect lots of clip shows, celebrity obit specials, and more celebrities doing boring remote video interviews;  Weather channels expected to have more viewers than cable news networks
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