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Stupid Company Slogans

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Moochamoocha View Drop Down
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    Posted: 11 Oct 2013 at 5:03am
Lately there have been some companies that have changed their advertising slogans to some stupid sounding sh*t. Here's a small sample of what I mean...

UPS - "What can Brown do for you?" (I don't know about you, but this makes me think of taking a sh*t.)
Weight Watchers - Because It Works (What works? Can you be a bit more specific?)
Chase Bank - So You Can (Can what? Be screwed over faster than the other banks?)
Vonage - Crazy Generous
Pop Tarts - Crazy Good
Time Warner Cable - Enjoy Better
AT&T - Rethink Possible (HUH???)

Who comes up with this crap? You mean to tell me people actually get paid to think up this idiocy? Can I get a job in advertising? I can make up stupid slogans, too.

I'm sure there are others that I forgot. Feel free to enlighten me.

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aka ron View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote aka ron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Oct 2013 at 1:01pm
Subaru- Love, its what makes a Subaru a Subaru.
Geico- 15 minutes could save you...Well you know.     AAAAAAH!
Beef- Beef, its whats for dinner.... Thanks Sam
Milk- Got milk???  I do love milk.
Fabreeze- Breath happy   AngryDead
I can't complain but sometimes I still do.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ken 1802 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 11 Oct 2013 at 3:00pm
Mooch, the "Because It Works," isn't too bad, as they are implying that Weight Watchers works, but they should have just said, "Because Weight Watchers works," and let that be it...
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote msmith Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Oct 2013 at 3:49am
Rosebud frozen peas. Full of country goodness and green peaness.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Tinkerertink69 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Oct 2013 at 7:41am
When I pea green, I go to the doctor! Big smile
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (2) Thanks(2)   Quote Ad nauseous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Oct 2013 at 7:56pm
Travelocity-Go and smell the roses(huh?)
Toyota-let's go places(what? How the heck will this sell your cars?)
One good thing about TV-you could always turn it off
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote A.C. Sativa Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Oct 2013 at 2:04am
Bitchin' Dog Food: Make that bitch SHUT UP!

Wait, we're talking about real companies? Never mind, then...
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote BiffSpiff Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Oct 2013 at 2:11am
Nationwide.  Ok, the slogan is not bad: "Nationwide is on your side."  But that bitch who sings it in every commercial?  I want to stuff a sock in her mouth.  Not a clean one, mind you, but one that I just took off after playing basketball with my son and then mowing the lawn and sitting around for two hours drinking beer afterwards.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrFlavor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Oct 2013 at 3:38am
When the 'Identity Thief' trailers were out there was one that used these words: "It's never okay to hit a woman - unless it's hilarious!" My wife saw it too, then we never saw it again. How did that get by the guy who says "No, and if you bring me another idea that might enrage 51% of the population you're fired"?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote insanity213 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Oct 2013 at 3:36pm
Lexus: The Pursuit of Perfection - Yeah, kiss my dick you pretentious f**king pricks.




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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Thor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Oct 2013 at 3:48pm
Originally posted by Tinkerertink69 Tinkerertink69 wrote:

When I pea green, I go to the doctor! Big smile
 
I think you might've missed msmith's play on words.  Say "green peaness".
 
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Ad nauseous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Oct 2013 at 7:16pm
Wendy's-Now that's better, what the flying flippity f**k?
One good thing about TV-you could always turn it off
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Puppydogpants Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Oct 2013 at 8:21pm
Hamman's Black Walnuts - "Taste the wild side of the walnut family."

Seriously, what does that even mean? The "wild" side of the walnut family??

I don't patronize bunny rabbits!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote aka ron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Oct 2013 at 8:51pm
Dammit, I love walnuts. Several trees in the neighborhood are dropping this delicious natural food product. Is it stealing if I stop on the road in the middle of the night to pick up the defenceless fruit?
It will just be road kill if I don't. Our local cops are assholes.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote mst3k4evr Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Oct 2013 at 3:01am
Don't forget Cottonelle's new slogan: Let's Talk About Your Bum.

(Ugh, with such a stupid word like "bum" no wonder Beavis and Butt-head hated England.)
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Banderboy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Oct 2013 at 3:42am
There was one from a few years back that had absolutely no meaning: "Pepsi- Generation Next" What could that possibly have meant?
And the prophet said:
"And lo, the beast looked upon the face of beauty. And it stayed its hand from killing. And from that day it was as one dead".
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote jhiller21 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Oct 2013 at 5:42am
Time Warner Cable's: "Enjoy Better"

Enjoy what better? My channels turning to a black screen randomly while I'm watching something? HD channels that are thousands of channels away in the listings from their standard-def counterparts? Or, the fact that my home internet wi-fi drops out at least three times a week for hours at a time?

I'd enjoy it better if your services actually worked. They've been out to my house three times, and the last guy basically said "it just does that sometimes".

They sure enjoy my money every f*cking month.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Banderboy Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Oct 2013 at 5:50am
Originally posted by jhiller21 jhiller21 wrote:

Time Warner Cable's: "Enjoy Better"

Enjoy what better? My channels turning to a black screen randomly while I'm watching something? HD channels that are thousands of channels away in the listings from their standard-def counterparts? Or, the fact that my home internet wi-fi drops out at least three times a week for hours at a time?

I'd enjoy it better if your services actually worked. They've been out to my house three times, and the last guy basically said "it just does that sometimes".

They sure enjoy my money every f*cking month.


Even lamer was "Time- Warner Cable- the power of you" I think that's what it was, but after I typed it, it looked so stupid that now I think I may be misremembering.
And the prophet said:
"And lo, the beast looked upon the face of beauty. And it stayed its hand from killing. And from that day it was as one dead".
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Puppydogpants Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Oct 2013 at 11:10am
Originally posted by jhiller21 jhiller21 wrote:

Time Warner Cable's: "Enjoy Better"

Enjoy what better? My channels turning to a black screen randomly while I'm watching something? HD channels that are thousands of channels away in the listings from their standard-def counterparts? Or, the fact that my home internet wi-fi drops out at least three times a week for hours at a time?

I'd enjoy it better if your services actually worked. They've been out to my house three times, and the last guy basically said "it just does that sometimes".

They sure enjoy my money every f*cking month.

ClapLOL This made me spit my drink out. Especially the last line. It is so true!
I don't patronize bunny rabbits!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote musicman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 Oct 2013 at 7:12pm
Originally posted by Moochamoocha Moochamoocha wrote:


UPS - "What can Brown do for you?"

I don't know why, but I've always been more irked by the question slogan than any other.
I think the subtle inference that they are requiring me to do some sort of work is what it is.
They want me to think of an answer.  Just say what you want about yourself, don't ask me anything.

Capitol One - "What's in your wallet?"

Can't think of the others.

"Where's the beef?", doesn't bother me because the question is directed at the fictional burger restaurant, not to me.



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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote JasperGretsch Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Oct 2013 at 3:12am
Don't forget McDonalds "I'm Lovin' It!"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Whitedog127 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Oct 2013 at 1:25pm
I recall that for a *very* brief period, McDonalds had ads aimed at the younger 'urban' crowd that showed a guy looking at a burger, and the the phrase above him was " I'd hit that". I remember snorting out loud when I saw it...you know some older white ad exec said "Let's put that in the ads, it's what the kids say today!" Those ads disappeared pretty quickly...
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote NJtoTX Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Oct 2013 at 4:13pm
I remember when Campbell's Chunky Soup was "The soup that eats like a meal."

All I could think of was a liquid with teeth trying to eat something.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PrinceJ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Oct 2013 at 4:24pm
Sung in an annoying tenor voice: "Feed the Pig!"

A public service commercial intended to convince you that the way to true wealth is to save $10.00 a month (and get that fractional percent interest rate), and eat out less often.
"Even an old fart was once a breath of fresh air"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrFlavor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 Oct 2013 at 5:43pm
Let's travel back in time to the year 1996. Deep Blue beats Gary Kasparov at chess, the Unabomber is finally arrested, Alanis Morissette wins a Grammy for Some Reason, the Sands Hotel in Las Vegas is demolished, the Taliban seizes control of Kabul, and this slogan is unveiled:

KINKO'S - THE NEW WAY TO OFFICE

And, if everyone is like ME, then everyone stopped what they were doing and spoke in unison, saying "Office isn't a verb!"

While researching this lapse in grammatical sanity I found that the internet had been almost wiped clean of this offensive little sentence, save for an article on the campaign that followed it - the 'hand off' as in 'hand off your project to us and we'll try not to screw it all up.' I don't recall the 'hand off' ads, but I imagine some embarrassing and clumsy sports references. Kinko's had this idea that Office Guy doesn't actually work in an office and needs the services of the local copy shop where he can stand in line with the insane fellow who wants 600 copies of his manifesto, and the girl who wants her wedding photos reprinted because the first set made her look fat. I am sure there were many small businesses who did in fact use Kinko's in this manner since bindery equipment and high speed color printers are prohibitively expensive (unless you lease them from Xerox, like Kinko's), though large firms that generate reams of paperwork every hour usually subcontract with a wholesale printing plant or install their own facility. They don't have time to walk down the street and deal with some kid who mainly got the job so he can make free show flyers for his indie rock band. All of that aside, it's the attempt at forcing a noun into a verb where it's not called for or even useful that has bugged me about this ad slogan for the past 17 years.

'The new way' implies, obviously, that there was an 'old way.' Hey Office Guy, you've been officing this entire time and you didn't even know it! Why? Because 'officing' isn't a word! The pinheads who thought this up forgot that verbs get to be conjugated, resulting in abominations like officing, officed and the worst past participle I have ever seen: having officed. Imagine you're a bartender polishing a glass when Office Guy plops down and utters the following: "Absolut greyhound, double. I've been busting my ass officing all day."
"I'm sorry, what were you doing?"
"Officing. I work in an office, therefore I officed all day, and tomorrow I'll go back and office some more. Now I'm in a bar so I'm barring, and later when I'm at home I'll be homing. Don't you speak English?"
"I'm going to have to ask you to leave."
Of course it gets worse. What would you call someone who offices? Right, an OFFICER. That word is already taken by every police force and military institution on the planet. There is no way it could ever mean 'guy who works in an office.'

Certainly nouns can evolve into verbs organically. Take the word 'cab'. How am I getting to the club? I'm cabbing it, that's how. Later I'll cab it home and the guy driving the cab is a cabbie. That noun to verb transformation started among people who actually take cabs, the noun to verb transformation of office was started by some marketing firm who thinks you can just jam it down people's throats. There's already a word for what people do in an office - working. They work in an office and they are called office workers, and that works just fine.

Eventually somebody got it right. Regus, a company that apparently rents out actual offices and the related support services, uses the slogan 'The New Way to Work.' Kinko's, as we all know, was swallowed by Fedex in 2004 never to be heard from again.

I would like to thank the creators of this board for this opportunity to relieve myself of this terrible burden I have carried lo these many years.
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