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    Posted: 08 Feb 2013 at 1:44pm
PERFECT POLLY™

Perfect Polly™, retail $14.99 (https://perfectpollypet.com
Manufactured by (Unknown) for Telebrands (www.telebrands.com)
Last updated 07-31-13 





This product does not emit light and isn't an R/C vehicle or test instrument, so my standard review format will not be used and the Perfect Polly™ will not be assigned a rating. 

The Perfect Polly™ is a rather lifelike-looking plastic animatronic parakeet that sings and moves whenever you approach the toliet...er...um...the bird

It emits rather realistic chirping sounds as a real parakeet might, it turns its head to the left and also moves its tail "feathers" at the same time. 

The Perfect Polly™ has an on/off switch that allows you to silence it at night so that if the cat walks near it, it won't awaken you with unexpected chirping. 


 Size of product w/hand to show scale SIZE 



To use your Perfect Polly™, first assemble its perch by placing the upright portion into the hole in its base; orienting it as such that the grooves in the upright piece fit into the little tits for them in the base's hosel (a raised circular "hole"). 

You may then place the bird onto its perch by lining up the two little tits on the horizontal bar of the perch with the two small openings in the bird's feet.

That takes care of the mounting...to activate your Perfect Polly™, feed it first (see directly below), and slide the slide switch located between the bird's legs to the "ON" position (toward the bird's head). 
Your Perfect Polly™ will now chirp and move its head & tail feathers whenever it detects motion within approx. 12" (1 foot) of it. 

To neutralise (silence) your animatronic buddy, slide the same black slide switch rearward (toward the bird's bunghole). 



To feed your Perfect Polly™ (do not attempt to cram seeds in its mouth -- that doesn't work here!!!), lift it off its perch if necessary, and turn it so that its belly faces up toward the ceiling. 

Unclip & remove the battery door, place it in a real birdcage, clean out that cage (usually by sliding the {vulgar slang term for caca}-covered newspaper out and wadding those bitches up for disposal), and throw it into the dustbin (garbage can)...O WAIT!!! YOU'LL NEED THAT!!! So just set it aside instead!!!  

If necessary, remove the tired old AG-13 (LR44) button cells, and dispose of or recycle them as you see fit.
Do not use your foot to push them under the Lazy-Boy where the dog might find them, do not attempt to flush them down the loo, and for Christ sakes please do not throw them over the side of a dock where they might hit a flounder on the way down to the sea bottom. 

Install three new AG-13 (LR44) button cells, orienting them so that their flat-ends (+) positives face the spring at one end of the chamber. 

Clip that battery door back on, and be done with it. 
Aren't you glad that you didn't toss that battery door into a real birdcage now?  


IMMEDIATE OBSERVATIONS: 

1: When I removed it from the packaging, it was made entirely of hard plastic -- the softest part is probably its claws.
I was expecting a bird with a softer, more lifelike feel to it. Although I wasn't expecting real feathers, it would seem to me that a fabric of some type would have made this bird a bit more lifelike -- considering that it is meant not only for static display, but to be held in the hand as well. 

2: It uses three of those tiny AG-13 (LR44) button cells -- with that solenoid or motor inside to turn its head and move its tail feathers, those itty bitty batteries won't last very long at all. 

3: Although it is shown in the commercials to perch on your finger, what you DON'T see is that you have to hold one or more of the claws down with your thumb or else the Perfect Polly™ will simply clatter to the floor and possibly become broken. 

4: It isn't loud and obnoxious like the commercial portrays it to be.
The chirping has a lower amplitude (volume) than the chirping produced by a real parakeet. 

5: If the cat gets hold of the Perfect Polly™ and manages to bite its head off, the sodding phoney-bologna fake plastic stupid headless dead bird will still chirp, because its transducer (loudspeaker) is located on the bird's underside just in front of its legs. 

6: The placement of the on/off switch between the bird's legs is a bit questionable -- it's directly between the wiener and the vent (bunghole) on a real bird. This gives a whole new meaning to the phrase, "Turn the birdie on", hahah!!!  
 
7: You have to remove the Perfect Polly™ from its perch in order to neutralise it (deactivate it). 



Photograph of the product "perched" on my finger.



 
Video on YourTube that shows the Prefect Polly™ chirping, and (later) one of our kitty cats trying to bite the phoney-bologna fake plastic sodding stupid dead bird's head off. 

This video is approximately 9.6634551883 megabytes (9,822,183 bytes) in length; dial-up users please be aware.
It will take no less than forty eight minutes to load at 48.0Kbps. 





TEST NOTES:
Test unit was purchased on the Perfect Polly™ website on 12-23-12 and was received on 02-07-13. 

My bank card was never charged; presumably because of the much longer-than-expected lead time. 


UPDATE: 02-19-13
Well, guess what?
Nikki seems strangely disinterested in the phoney-bologna fake plastic bird, even if it is activated and placed right in front of her.
Perhaps the chirping and other cacaphony produced by Perfect Polly sounds artificial to her and causes her to 
***KNOW*** that it isn't a real bird. 
At least Bear-Bear tried to bite its head off.  


UPDATE: 02-24-13
My cat Nikki nocked the stupid sodding phoney-bologna fake plastic bird into the waste bin (wastepaperbasket) in my room this morning.

To wit: 

  
She threw both the Perfect Polly™ and its perch in the garbage; I saw them in the can shortly before dumping the can into a bin bag (plastic garbage bag) so that the dustman (garbage man) will pick it up for disposal. 


UPDATE: 02-26-13
My cat Nikki nocked the stupid sodding phoney-bologna fake plastic bird into the waste bin (wastepaperbasket) in my room (AGAIN!!!) yesterday morning; I saw her do it this time. She nocked the bird and its perch into the garbage can at 10:15am PST on 02-25-13. 

To wit: 

  
She threw both the Perfect Polly™ and its perch into the garbage can a second consecutive day. 


UPDATE: 03-03-13
My cat Nikki nocked the stupid sodding phoney-bologna fake plastic dead bird into the waste bin (wastepaperbasket) in my room (A THIRD, FOURTH, AND FIFTH TIME!!!) this morning. 

To wit: 

  
She threw both the Perfect Polly™ and its perch onto the floor (because she missed the trash can).


  
She missed the garbage can again...oops!!! 

  
She threw both the Perfect Polly™ and its perch into the garbage can again -- this time getting it inside the can. 
 

UPDATE: 03-07-13
My cat Nikki nocked the sodding phoney-bologna fake plastic stupid dead bird into the waste bin (wastepaperbasket) in my room (AGAIN!!!) yesterday morning. 

To wit: 

  

UPDATE: 03-13-13
My cat Nikki nocked the sodding phoney-bologna fake plastic stupid dead bird into the waste bin (wastepaperbasket) in my room (YET AGAIN!!!) on the very early afternoon of the 12th. 

To wit: 

  


    MANUFACTURER: Unknown/not stated 
    PRODUCT TYPE: Motion-activated animatronic parakeet 
    LAMP TYPE: N/A 
    No. OF LAMPS: None 
    BEAM TYPE: N/A 
    SWITCH TYPE: Slide on/off between bird's legs 
    CASE MATERIAL: Plastic 
    BEZEL: N/A 
    BATTERY: 3x AG-13 (LR44) button cells 
    CURRENT CONSUMPTION: Unknown/unable to measure 
    WATER- AND URANATION-RESISTANT: Very light splatter-resistant at absolute maximum 
    SUBMERSIBLE: LE DIABLE PORTANT UNE COUCHE-CULOTTE IMBIBÉ DE PISSE, NON!  
    ACCESSORIES: Stand (perch), 3x AG-13 button cells 
    SIZE: ~165mm L x 43.50mm W x 41.50mm H (not incl. perch) 
    WEIGHT: 50.70g (1.790 oz.) 
    COUNTRY OF MANUFACTURE: China 
    WARRANTY: Unknown/not stated 

    PRODUCT RATING:

    This product will not be rated because it is not a light-emitter or R/C vehicle.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Thor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Feb 2013 at 2:07pm
 
 
But do you love it?
 
 
 
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angry McPisseron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Feb 2013 at 2:15pm
Originally posted by Thor Thor wrote:

But do you love it?
 
I'm still undecided -- if it used AA or even AAA cells instead of those puny watch batteries (that can be rather expen$ive!), I might leave the fuccker on much longer and see if I get used to having it around.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Thor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Feb 2013 at 2:53pm
I got my current laser pointer in 2002 (for $20 at Staples), and one of its selling points was that it took two AAA batteries instead of watch batteries.  I've had to replace them only once since I got it, and believe me, with my cats (along with the enjoyment I get annoying my neighbors as they try to watch TV in their living rooms), the thing has gotten plenty of use.
 
My previous one took several watch batteries, and it sucked.  Plus, it was always falling apart.
 
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Papa Lazarou Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Feb 2013 at 4:34pm
Originally posted by Tampon Submarine Tampon Submarine wrote:


SWITCH TYPE: Slide on/off between bird's legs


So you can quite literally turn this birdie on....
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angry McPisseron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Feb 2013 at 4:45pm
Originally posted by Codtaro Codtaro wrote:

Originally posted by Tampon Submarine Tampon Submarine wrote:


SWITCH TYPE: Slide on/off between bird's legs


So you can quite literally turn this birdie on....
 
I was actually thinking the exact same thing...what a terrible placement for that switch!!! LOL

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Ad nauseous Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Feb 2013 at 4:46pm
Oh it looks soooo cuuuuuute LOL !!!!!LOL
One good thing about TV-you could always turn it off
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tiz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 08 Feb 2013 at 11:12pm
Has Nikki met Polly yet?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angry McPisseron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Feb 2013 at 12:54pm
Originally posted by Tiz Tiz wrote:

Has Nikki met Polly yet?
 
No, Nikki hasn't said hello to Polly yet -- I was a bit surprised that it was Bear-Bear who tried to bite its head off first until I realised that he is also the most prolific "birder" of all of our cats; e.g., he brings us the most 'presents' of dead birds, dead mice, and dead rabbits. LOL

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Thor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Feb 2013 at 2:40pm
Originally posted by Tampon Submarine Tampon Submarine wrote:

Originally posted by Tiz Tiz wrote:

Has Nikki met Polly yet?
 
No, Nikki hasn't said hello to Polly yet -- I was a bit surprised that it was Bear-Bear who tried to bite its head off first until I realised that he is also the most prolific "birder" of all of our cats; e.g., he brings us the most 'presents' of dead birds, dead mice, and dead rabbits. LOL
 
Coincidentally, this guy on the radio (KSTE) at this very moment, is talking about that study that came out a few days ago about how cats are responsible for the deaths of so much wildlife in the US.  It estimates that cats kill between 1 and 4 billion birds each year.
 
 
Keep Polly safe!
 
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angry McPisseron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Feb 2013 at 1:56pm
BTTT:

Well, guess what?
Nikki seems strangely disinterested in the phoney-bologna fake plastic bird, even if it is activated and placed right in front of her.
Perhaps the chirping and other cacaphony produced by Perfect Polly sounds artificial to her and causes her to 
***KNOW*** that it isn't a real bird. 
At least Bear-Bear tried to bite its head off.  

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angry McPisseron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 24 Feb 2013 at 7:09pm
BTTT: 
My cat nocked the sodding phoney-bologna fake plastic bird into the waste bin, so I added a photo of it there.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angry McPisseron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 Feb 2013 at 1:20pm
BTTT: 
My cat nocked the sodding phoney-bologna fake plastic stupid dead bird into the waste bin a second consecutive day (!!!) and I watched it (she nocked the bird and its perch into the garbage can at 10:15am PST on 02-25-13), so I added another photo of it there.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angry McPisseron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 Mar 2013 at 5:43pm
BTTT: 
My cat nocked the sodding phoney-bologna fake plastic stupid dead bird into the waste bin three times this morning (she missed the garbage can twice but got it in there the third time), so I added the three photographs of that to my O.P.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PaWolf Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 03 Mar 2013 at 5:49pm
Originally posted by Thor Thor wrote:

 
Coincidentally, this guy on the radio (KSTE) at this very moment, is talking about that study that came out a few days ago about how cats are responsible for the deaths of so much wildlife in the US.  It estimates that cats kill between 1 and 4 billion birds each year.
 
 
Keep Polly safe!
 
 

From the Pittsburgh ( Pennsylvania ) Dispatch of March 11 1907:

" "Suffocation, due to a cat sucking the breath from the deceased's mouth". That will be the Deputy Coroner's report entered in county records this morning in the case of the death Tuesday night of Bennenita Maria Delu, aged 6 months and 1 day, at Clarksville, Penn Township, Allegheny County, Pa..."
I think the movie "The Lion King" had a bouncy little tune about the 'balance of life'.
Prolly better keep 'Perfect Polly" around as a distraction - save yourself! 
It would suck to wake up dead in the morning. 
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"What we do for ourselves dies with us, What we do for others is and remains immortal." - Albert Pike
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angry McPisseron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 06 Mar 2013 at 4:48pm
BTTT:
My adorable little kitty Nikki nocked the sodding phoney-bologna fake plastic stupid dead bird into the waste bin (wastepaperbasket) in my room (AGAIN!!!) yesterday morning. 


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angry McPisseron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Mar 2013 at 4:52pm
BTTT:
My cat Nikki nocked the sodding phoney-bologna fake plastic stupid dead bird into the waste bin (wastepaperbasket) in my room (YET AGAIN!!!) on the very early afternoon of the 12th; added a photo of the crime scene.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Thor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Mar 2013 at 12:16am
 
^  Haven't you thought of moving either the waste bin or the bird yet?
 
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angry McPisseron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Mar 2013 at 12:46am
@ Thor:
 
Yes, I've moved the bird away from the waste bin, but Nikki will just carry it (still on its perch) halfway across the room and nonchalantly dump it into the garbage.
 
I tell ya, that cat just hates the living tweedle out of this fake plastic bird!!! ShockedLOLShocked


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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angry McPisseron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 31 Jul 2013 at 5:31pm
BTTT: You have to remove the Perfect Polly™ from its perch in order to neutralise it (deactivate it).

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