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Kellogg's Pop-Tarts can make you wanna tap dance?

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    Posted: 17 Feb 2009 at 6:13pm
...apparently yes.



So what is this candy we are to believe to be suitable breakfast? Well, Pop-Tarts have long been a staple of greasy stoner nerds and dorm dwellers alike for many eons. Indeed over the ages this pastry has held much power over the people. Some might say they are rooted deep within our very core beliefs. And as well they would be, unless you are actually willing to deny this blatant miracle!



Pop-Tarts were once a great ruler in the land of ordinary kitchens. They staked vast claims of fruit filling during the great Toaster Crusades at the turn of the century, in which they bravely fought the much tastier armies of the Toaster Strudel. If we could only imagine what a fearless Pop-Tartian may have looked like during that tumultuous era we would probably see something similar to this artist's depiction.



Like this strawberry filled soldier above so valiantly escaping death by toaster torture, many others, and soon the entire race of Pop-Tarts, realized they quite simply sucked when subjected to over-toasting. Nobody would dare consume their smelly burnt pastry crust. They soon came to a widespread understanding that they were in fact hypersensitive to toasting. Indeed, the Pop-Tarts were allergic to toasters! They adopted this symbol to teach their naive offspring about the great dangers of taking toasting too far.



However, many decades passed, many battles won and lost, and with the cunning new generation of the P-Tizz (as all the kids say) they have evolved a 21st century solution. Behold, and FEAST your eyes upon...



Yum...yes YUM. Admit, you cannot resist that which is Meow-Berry.
But if you somehow can, could we possibly interest you in Kellogg's newest flavor?



Just beware, if you refuse you will have angered the great and powerful LORD DOMO KUN ZOMBIE POP-TART THING!



Oh right, so ye I hate that damn commercial. I mean the kid does the running man. Who does that anymore? "They'll rise and you'll shine?" I dunno, I should just say I find that punchline a bit tacky, but on the other hand, one-liners that stick like that is an advertisers' bread and butter I suppose.

EDIT: So ye, just because I'm not a fan doesn't mean I should basically insult others' choice of breakfast regardless of their associated heinous advertising. Sorry to the Pop-Tart munchers, I was being stupid. Ouch

Also, I was thinking I was probably wrong about the nutritional value of these two products and indeed there is some myth to it. Looking it up the average strawberry Pop-Tart and Toaster Strudel would at first make you believe Pillsbury's Toaster Strudels would have almost half as much sugar per one ~53g serving than its strawberry counterpart, but add the provided and always necessary frosting to the strudel and you get not quite but roughly the same amount of sugar per serving and with close to twice the fat, twice the saturated fat, and slightly more cholesterol. Thus a "fully loaded strudel" (industry term) nutritionally could be seen as worse in some respects! I'm sorry to have to lay this cold unforgiving truth on the Strudel brigade. But at any rate, neither a Pop-Tart or Strudel has significantly more sugar than an average bowl of Frosted Flakes, are low in cholesterol and provide some protein and calcium, making them both a nutritionally normal breakfast. And given, though sometimes dicey, you know how to work a toaster properly the crust can be welcomed with open mouths, or so I've been told from sources who will remain unknown.

So, I would like to take this time to rescind my prior accusations that these worthy Pop-Tarts are in any way an unfit breakfast for the people! I throw myself before this court and beg for leniency! Alas, I am not but a sheep! Bah! Bah!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote HollyRock Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Feb 2009 at 6:21pm
Ha.
 
My cat is named "Poptart."
 
She'll be 16 next month.
Let's try not to be boring, mkay?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote snooze Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Feb 2009 at 6:24pm
Happy one month early birthday Poptart!

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Banquo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Feb 2009 at 6:45pm
I hate that commercial so much.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hezadancer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Feb 2009 at 6:59pm
It's following the trend in kiddy shows lately, where for no reason at all, they dance. We have this DVD on a loop at work with kids shows on it, one of which is called Sid the Science kid. In one scene he gets dropped off at school and for no reason at all him and his friends just start dancing, much like this commercial. I also hate big headed characters like this, not sure why.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PaWolf Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Feb 2009 at 7:14pm
...oh boy, I think we recently got into this piece of garbage (nope, I don't like it) in another thread, recently. I *just* got over the indigestion this morning - and now someone else brings it up again???!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote HollyRock Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Feb 2009 at 7:14pm
Originally posted by snooze snooze wrote:

Happy one month early birthday Poptart!

 
 
She said meow.
 
My 8 year old loves this commercial! 
 
Like the kid in the commercial, she is known to break into dance moves, for no apparent reason.  It might be a kid thing.
Let's try not to be boring, mkay?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote HollyRock Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Feb 2009 at 7:15pm
Oh, and we've had those pink Hello Kitty poptarts.
 
They're gross.  It's not the pink frosting, it's the sprinkles.  They taste like they were made of playdoh.
Let's try not to be boring, mkay?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Thor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Feb 2009 at 7:31pm
Snooze, did you make up that post at the top?  It's great!
 
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Wild Starchild Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Feb 2009 at 7:46pm
Great!! Just freaking great!! That's all we need these days is more computer animated commercials aimed at kids just so they'll yell, "MOMMY, GET ME SOME POP TURDS!!"
 
I got sooooo pissed the other day when I asked my kids what they were eating for breakfast at school. They told me that the dumb asses there in the lunchroom give them Pop Tarts!!! ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS???? They give my kids Pop Tarts as part of a nutritional program IN SCHOOL!!???? They have absolutely NO NUTRITIONAL VALUE WHAT SO EVER!!!! And we hear so much lately about the government being so concerned about obesity and the failing health of our nations children......well this does little to help that issue.
 
I heard they are gonna cram MILLIONS into that damned stimulus bill for a, get this, After School Snack Program!!! I haven't been able to find much on it yet, no one has had time to read the god damned thing, but I wonder if they are gonna buy everyone a sh*t load of Pop Tarts??!! And besides, is it the government's place to dictate to me what and when I feed my kids?? REEEEE-DIC-U-LOUS!!!!!
AW DAMN!!!! Wild Shot the friggin TV again!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote big_E Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Feb 2009 at 7:54pm
I'm glad someone else finds this ad disturbing.  I hate the stupid over sized bobble headed kid with the giant eyes.  It looks too freaky. 

As far as Pop Tarts go, I only like the brown sugar cinnamon or chocolate chip variety.  The rest of them are horrible, like the fake fruit variety found in the ad.  
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Wild Starchild Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Feb 2009 at 7:54pm
Originally posted by Thor Thor wrote:

Snooze, did you make up that post at the top?  It's great!
 
 
I agree, and meant to say so, but your content riled me up so much I had to rant. Excellent post, and excellent writting, backed up with funny pics. Very good job!!!
 
ClapClapClap
AW DAMN!!!! Wild Shot the friggin TV again!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote HollyRock Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Feb 2009 at 7:57pm
WS your school's parent group may have some influence over what they give the kids.
 
Our elementary school menu has changed quite a bit since last year.  There's more emphasis on whole grains, and fruits/veggies and they rarely ever have junkier things.  There are still chicken nuggets with french fries, but only about once per month.  Every day there are 3 different salads to choose from, in addition to the hot lunch / sandwich choices.  Caesar salad with chicken is popular (believe it or not) with the K-4 set.
 
My kid, of course, hates most of what they serve.
Let's try not to be boring, mkay?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Wild Starchild Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Feb 2009 at 8:18pm
I've been lucky with my kids, they'd rather have fruit than candy, they LOVE broccoli, spinach and I make this green bean stuff they devour!!! LOL They actually complain about the stuff they get in school.
 
Our school system has pretty much elbowed the parents out. We no longer get a say by voting on superintendent. We have a Director of Schools that gets chosen by the school board. I've never really been that involved with school government, I'll admit that, but lately there have been several things that have REALLY ruffled my feathers. I'm thinking that is gonna change. In our small town though, all the good ole boys seem to have this little "click" going, and it's hard to get them to change their minds on anything. They just kind of give the impression like they are waving their hands at the parents says, "Get along you puny pesky parent!!" That's the way it feel anyway. I'm not in full understanding yet how the school board officials get into power, but they seem to hold a lot of clout in our system.
AW DAMN!!!! Wild Shot the friggin TV again!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote N-Dizzle Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Feb 2009 at 9:18pm
I HATE big headed kids/characters. 

That needs to be an advertising offense. 

And WS: They said Pop Tarts* are nutritional? LOLLOLLOLLOLLOL

Another shitty Kellogg's product! AngryAngryAngry

You could roll your kids a joint every morning for breakfast and that would be more "nutritional".   Definitely less 'toxic' as in chemicals and additives. LOLWinkLOLLOL

*Pop Tarts: Doesn't that sound like the name some tabloid trash news program would give to people like Britney, Lindsey, Paris...? LOLLOLLOL
LOL

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote N-Dizzle Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Feb 2009 at 9:19pm
Originally posted by snooze snooze wrote:


Just beware, if you refuse you will have angered the great and powerful LORD DOMO KUN ZOMBIE POP-TART THING!



Oh right, so ye I hate that damn commercial. I mean the kid does the running man. Who does that anymore? They'll rise and you'll shine? Please, its a friggin slab of sugar you threw in the toaster you self-serving moron of a parent.


That's not Domo!!!  I don't know who that is.  

AAAHHHHHHHH!!! NOoooooooooooo.   Some zombie thing ate Domo!!!CryCryCryCryCryCryCry
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Wild Starchild Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 17 Feb 2009 at 11:08pm
I know Diz!! Where the hell are the truth cops anymore when it comes to product advertizments!! It's like you can say ANY FUCKING THING you want, and it just supposed to be taken at face value!!!
 
I've been bitching in a few posts about that Digital tablet I recently bought, didn't work correctly, so I had to send it back to the company. I HAD TO PAY THE FUCKING SHIPPING TO SEND IT BACK!!! Holy Hell!!! So, you buy a product that is supposed to work, but it doesn't,.... and you have to pay AGAIN for the fuckers to fix it!!!! That is COMPLETE BULLSHIT!!!!
AW DAMN!!!! Wild Shot the friggin TV again!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote snooze Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Feb 2009 at 6:41am
Hehe, so ye I felt bad knocking a rather common product many of you may probably enjoy so there's an edit in the OP and my curious findings on their nutrition.

On a far more interesting note, I just noticed that zombie domo tart has a fanny pack fused to his zombie frosting body.

Domo arigato Mr. Zombie Pop-Tarto. Domo. Domo.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Moochamoocha Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Feb 2009 at 6:43pm
I like Pop Tarts. I hate the commercials, though.

BTW, how come every flavor of Pop Tarts have frosting on them? I hate frosting! I love the strawberry UNFROSTED ones but they're a bitch to find. Fortunately my local PathMark sells them in the 12 pack box. Thumbs%20Up
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote alex9152 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 Feb 2009 at 7:26pm
Originally posted by Moochamoocha Moochamoocha wrote:

BTW, how come every flavor of Pop Tarts have frosting on them? I hate frosting! I love the strawberry UNFROSTED ones but they're a bitch to find. Fortunately my local PathMark sells them in the 12 pack box. Thumbs%20Up

People actually eat UNFROSTED Pop-Tarts? Confused I hate those!

Actually wait a moment, the Chocolate Chip variety, my usual favorite, is unfrosted and only has a little icing. I retract the above comment.

Originally posted by Wild Starchild Wild Starchild wrote:

I've been lucky with my kids, they'd rather have fruit than candy, they LOVE broccoli, spinach and I make this green bean stuff they devour!!! LOL They actually complain about the stuff they get in school.

Dead

I would be your nightmare child. I won't eat that stuff. To be fair, I hated the crap served in school anyway.

I would rather die 100 pounds overweight (right now I'm probably 10-20 overweight) than eat right. Fruits and veggies taste that bad to me, I would rather eat erasers and other non-food substances, I'd be vomiting like a bulimic (no offense to those) if I tried a healthy diet. Maybe I'd end up losing weight though.

I know I'll end up OuchCry after this post though. Bring it on!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PaWolf Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 14 Jun 2009 at 6:59pm

(Ouch Wish The Snoozel could make amends with Nathan and come back...)

THIS commercial's successor is literally killing me! The creepy little 'black kids on bicycles' is about to do me in - I can't say enough bad about it...think I'll go speak at grade school classes about the evils of Pop Tarts.
 
...and, by the way - HR - ever think about renaming yer beloved feline before an unnecessary accident occurs?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Synesthesia Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Nov 2009 at 9:40pm
I won't eat pop tarts for some reason.
They seem rather gross and probably have High Fructose Corn Syrup in them.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrCleveland Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 01 Nov 2009 at 10:04pm
That commercial drives me nuts!
Thank God for kids who love Obscure Things.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote specialkt Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Nov 2009 at 3:17am
hey you poptart lovers heres a recipe to make your own ... actually i think they look better yumm

http://bakememore.com/2009/02/15/sorry-kelloggs-these-pop-tarts-will-make-you-crumble/
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Snesgamer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 02 Nov 2009 at 4:09am
Fun fact - I've never eaten of these things toasted before. I've always eaten my Pop-Tarts plain right out of the box.
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