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If Product Slogans Were Honest

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Commercial Hater
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Joined: 10 May 2008
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote 8 Track Single Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Jun 2008 at 5:15pm
Vonage--If you don't have high-speed Internet, don't bother inquiring about our services. 
Speedway--If you don't have one of our Speedy Rewards cards, don't buy gasoline here--we'll soon be a wholesale club a la Sam's, Costco or BJ's. 
KFC--Life tastes better with many things, but our chicken isn't one of them. 
Multi-Grain Cheerios--Just because we added a lot of different grains doesn't make our cereal any more nutritious than the original. 
Windex--Our cleaner is no more effective than the generic brand. 
PeoplePC--Despite our wholesome name, we are not independent--just a subsidiary of EarthLink, the Pepsi of the Internet world.
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Joined: 15 Apr 2008
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tiz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Jun 2008 at 6:33pm
ExTenze......The only thing our product will make bigger is our bank account.
 
PriceLine......Well, who else would hire William Shatner.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote 8 Track Single Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Jun 2008 at 5:03pm

Burger King--Stay for the awful commercials, then try our equally atrocious fare, such as the Steakhouse Burger and the soon-to-be-made UltiMega Burger (consisting of a Whopper patty, fish fillet, chicken fillet, five pieces of bacon, three slices of cheese, and a boatload of condiments, all on a sesame-seed bun!--YECCH!). 

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Joined: 16 Apr 2008
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Yutolia Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Jun 2008 at 5:39pm
Benadryl - You can't pause life, but Benadryl can do it for you
OR You can't pause life, but Benadryl can pause you.
"Xbox Live is an online homophobia club for pre-teen Tourette’s sufferers." - Brockway, Cracked.com
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Joined: 11 Jun 2008
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Bobby Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Jun 2008 at 7:34pm
Any male enhancement- "We put the fun in disfunction."
Payless- "This sale won't last much longer.  But it will be back next year."
Winn Dixie- "Getting better all the time, unfortunately our clock is broken."
Publix- "Friendly, creepy smiles waiting to help you."
Dodge- "If you buy a $30000 car we'll only make you pay $2.99 for gas."
Evista- "As you can tell by these creepy women in towels, our medicine works!"
Lifelock- "Hi, I'm Todd Davis and I just lost my identity again."
and one last,
Any commercial wanting cash for foreign kids- "This is Tymeekoo Rasheeboo, and he has no shoes.  Please send $20 so that I can put $15 towards my car payment.  We guarantee* that the rest will go towards poor little Tymeekoo."  *Disclaimer: We are not responsible if the rest of the money doesn't make it to the child.
Commercials owe me a new mute button.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote smittykins Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Jun 2008 at 9:46pm
Lifetime--Television For Victims
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musicman View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote musicman Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Jun 2008 at 9:53pm
Originally posted by Wild Starchild Wild Starchild wrote:

 
 
Dirt Devil, one mean little sucker!!
 
 
 
 
I think the company might seriously want to use that one.  LOL
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angry McPisseron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 Jun 2008 at 10:25pm
MTV: "I Want My TV!!!" (hey, where did the "M" go?) Cry

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Genius In the Lamp Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 25 Jun 2008 at 2:11am
MTV: Lobotomy ... without the invasive surgery.
Any urban contemporary radio station:  Our music is a safe, non-narcotic alternative to current over-the-counter sleep medication.
Maxim, FHM, Stuff, etc.:  We're just like Playboy, but without the nudity ... or the brains.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote doggiethedog Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 Jun 2008 at 4:32am
 Oooooooooookay, kids, here we go again.......
 
 ESPN: The "E" stands for "East Coast"
 Chrysler: $30,000 for the car, $2.99 for gas, thousands annually in repair bills.
 Pizza Hut: You can find better pizza in your grocery store's frozen food section.
 McDonalds: I'm burpin' it!!!
 Wendy's:  the hole-in-the-wall joint down the street is wayyyyyy better than us
 
Sometimes you feel like an Idol
Sometimes you feel like an Idiot
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Spicy_Meatball Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 Jun 2008 at 4:48am
Chlorox Bleach:   You buy it for the skid marks. 
"Mama Mia! That's a spicy meatball!!" ~~Alka Seltzer Ad
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PrinceJ Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 Jun 2008 at 11:54am
McDonalds: Too many calories, but it tastes good.
 
When I was working in a pet shop we got a shipment of those aerating toys for the bottom of a fishtank, the decorations that bubble.  It was shaped like a chinese boat.  The box said, "Chinese Junk, made in Hong Kong" and I thought that was the most honest advertising you could get.
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Joined: 10 May 2008
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote 8 Track Single Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 Jun 2008 at 4:26pm
Originally posted by musicman musicman wrote:

Originally posted by Wild Starchild Wild Starchild wrote:

 
 
Dirt Devil, one mean little sucker!!
 
 
 
 
I think the company might seriously want to use that one.  LOL
 
If Oreck hasn't used it already...LOL
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