TALKING MINI-WHEAT vs. THE GEICO GECKO |
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Angry McPisseron
Honor Roll Formerly AngryMcPisseron Joined: 20 Apr 2008 Location: Fresno CA. Status: Offline Points: 13345 |
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Posted: 19 May 2008 at 6:18pm |
TALKING MINI-WHEAT vs. THE GEICO GECKO
This round takes place in an ordinary kitchen of a pet owning household. The dog is sleeping on the damn bed again, and that darned cat is probably pissing in its owner's slippers. In the garbage drawer, among the usual crap like a broken flashlight, leaking batteries, a half-used ball of string, etc. there's a sewing kit in a small lidded tin.
The Talking Mini-Wheat takes the offensive here, saying "One two three, you can dance, like you were, born in France", then goes under the sink, grabs a bag of dry cat food, and throws it at the Gecko. Some of the cat food bounces off the Gecko, but the little lizard is generally unphased by the barrage. The Gecko then skitters up the front of the oven and onto the counter. He sees a bottle of vinegar with a sprinkle top, grabs it, and shakes the urine out of it toward the Mini-Wheat. But the vinegar just comes out in small droplets that don't travel very far, so the Gecko quickly abandons this tactic, and hides behind the flour jar to think up another. Mini-Wheat then comes up with another tactic. He tears off some sheets of Viva paper towels, wads those bitches up, and lights them on the stove. He throws the burning wadded up towels like toliet wads at the Gecko, but only manages to burn its tail off. The Gecko, being self-regenerating, skitters up the wall and grows a new tail. He then runs down the wall, across the counter, and into the knife drawer; where he fishes out a large meat cleaver. He scampers after the Mini-Wheat with it, swinging wildly back & forth, but each slash of the gleaming steel blade misses, and the only damage he does with the knife is to put a few slashes in the cupboard doors near the kitchen floor. The Mini-Wheat then opens the garbage drawer, removes the lidded tin box from it, and throws it at the Gecko as hard as he can. Success!!! He clocks the lizard right in the noggin with it, nocking the lizard out. The lid came off the tin at inpact, revealing the contents of the tin: sewing needles and thread. So the Mini-Wheat goes to work, and sews the Gecko's lips to its ashole. But in the Gecko's death throes, the lizard starts convulsing & kicking, and one of those involuntary kicks connects with the Mini-Wheat, nocking him right into the dog's water bowl. They both become swollen & distended, explode, and die. |
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