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MrTim
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Penn State discontinues Outing Club nature hiking after deciding it's "too risky"; Main reason is that there was no cell phone service, which could also lead to students "becoming amorous" because they're bored
http://www.pennlive.com/news/2018/04/its_too_risky_for_outing_club.html?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark |
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MrTim
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Man hits trifecta in animal attacks after being bitten by a bear, rattlesnake, and shark; For his next record, he will try to win lottery and get hit by lightning while jumping Grand Canyon on a rocket-powered motorcycle
https://www.upi.com/Odd_News/2018/04/23/Man-bit-by-shark-after-surviving-bear-rattlesnake-attacks/2331524505804/?utm_source=sec&utm_campaign=sl&utm_medium=3 |
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MrTim
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In other news, tonight was the first day of the NFL draft; Only bookies and those who leech off players cared
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MrTim
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People in danger at famous wax museum; Visitors having to duck under boobs of Stormy Daniels display as they walk past or risk head trauma or putting an eye out
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MrTim
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It's official, and the jokes are true: Uranus smells like farts; Scientists discover that planet's upper atmosphere contains hydrogen sulfide
http://mentalfloss.com/article/541376/its-official-uranus-smells-farts |
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MrTim
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Study finds that most people who make typos in their posts to the internet are drunk, stoned, or tired; A significant portion also make typos when texting while driving
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MrTim
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Expect salad prices to go up this summer; Greenland's iceberg lettuce crop being threatened by global warming
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MrTim
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Girl scolded for "cultural appropriation" by SJWs after wearing a Chinese dress to prom; She tells critics to "Go Die In A Fire"; Actual Chinese not offended by her wearing the dress
https://www.dailywire.com/news/30120/sorry-not-sorry-girl-who-wore-chinese-dress-says-ryan-saavedra |
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MrTim
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In cost cutting move, California to send it's prison inmates out-of-state; Average annual cost to keep an inmate is $75k, but it is "actually cheaper to send them to Harvard for a year"
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MrTim
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"Break a leg!" taking on sinister connotations on Broadway; Rival plays starting to kneecap the competition, literally in some cases; Mob denies involvement
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MrTim
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(Not really. Actual story here: https://www.sunnyskyz.com/good-news/2786/People-Rescue-A-Boy-Who-Falls-Into-A-Roadside-Drain ) |
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MrTim
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Denny's offering Star Wars: Solo movie meals; Random orders to include authentic Wookie hair in the food
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MrTim
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CDC issues updated study report on zombie outbreaks; Experts agree "Being a zombie is no way to live life"
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MrTim
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Governor calling out National Guard after jackelopes attack cars in Texas; Pre-emptive roundup begins after biologists warn about population explosion of the "ornery critters"
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MrTim
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High school evacuated after 'bong' scare; Police misheard 'bomb' in panicked call about a bong seen in a car by a nosy hysterical citizen
https://www.boston.com/news/local-news/2018/05/11/holliston-high-school-bong-scare |
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MrTim
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Secrets of Surfers Revealed: To repel shark attacks, surfers pour extra salt on themselves; "Most sharks prefer a low-sodium diet, and so avoid us to go after waders and sailboarders"
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MrTim
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Secrets of Botanists Revealed: If nobody has come out and said whether or not a plant is edible, always assume that anyone who has eaten it died as a result; Also, just to be sure, have a grad student taste it first
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MrTim
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Royal Wedding movie coming out next year; Comedy will feature Seth Rogan as Prince Harry, ten years after; Expect lots of burps and fart jokes
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MrTim
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Entire country of Finland outed as Fakers; Shamefaced Finns admit they do speak Finnish, but they can't understand what each other is saying, though they still "fool foreigners really well"
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MrTim
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Nosey neighbors freak out about seeing a child at swingers party, call in the law; Police investigate, find nothing wrong, chalk up complaint to neighbors upset at not being invited
https://metro.co.uk/2018/05/20/child-spotted-at-swingers-party-was-actually-just-very-short-woman-7562611/ |
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MrTim
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Show Dogs movie pulled from theaters over "inappropriate" dog genital groping scenes; Film would have received an X rating if dog fellatio scenes had been left in
https://pjmedia.com/parenting/show-dogs-pulled-from-theaters-over-inappropriate-dog-genital-groping-scenes/ |
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MrTim
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Scientists in Hawaii puzzled why erupting volcano "seems angrier" after their attempt to calm it; Some speculate "It might be that the person we sacrificed to the volcano misrepresented their virginity to us"
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MrTim
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Coffee breaks discovered to be the cause of most office romances; Study finds that caffeine makes you like other people
https://quartzy.qz.com/1290826/coffee-benefits-caffeine-makes-you-more-social-as-well-as-active/ |
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MrTim
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Man goes to emergency room after "slipping in shower" (read link text); Yes, that's how he claimed it happened, denied putting it there himself
https://nypost.com/2018/05/29/man-has-six-inch-shower-head-removed-from-his-rectum/?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark |
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MrTim
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The next time you think you are unlucky, think again; Car rejected from every car wash in tri-state area
https://globalnews.ca/news/4237595/our-car-was-inundated-with-liquid-poo-falling-from-the-sky-kelowna-driver/?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark |
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