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MrTim
Ad Exec Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Status: Offline Points: 10421 |
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Skeet shooting becoming increasingly popular in the U.S.; Most people taking up the hobby because it's "good practice for potting drones"
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PaWolf
Revolutionary Hoary Ol' Chestnut... doncha know.... Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Location: GreatWhiteNorth Status: Offline Points: 40769 |
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"...ossifer?! Someone stole my beer which was being shipped to me via drone! Can you just please go shoot them? TODAY? Pleaaauuuzz?!"
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X <sig.nature>
"What we do for ourselves dies with us, What we do for others is and remains immortal." - Albert Pike |
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MrTim
Ad Exec Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Status: Offline Points: 10421 |
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Does your medication make you more attractive to serial killers? Ask your Doctor! Many advertised drugs downplay or don't even mention this common side effect
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MrTim
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Dick Clark still making appearances on his Rockin' New Years Eve show; Clark's mummified body to be rolled back into crypt for next year after hundreds of adoring fans take selfies with him
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MrTim
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Nationwide poll shows that 73% of Americans do want a wall built: Around Washington D.C. to keep the politicians in
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MrTim
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Romney firing up campaign to run for President in 2020; Mittens to remain a Republican while running as a Democrat
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MrTim
Ad Exec Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Status: Offline Points: 10421 |
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Worst. Christmas. Gift. Evah: Survey of parents & grandparents reports that many tech-savvy children received actual books as gifts; Most became frustrated because they couldn't figure out how to turn them on
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MrTim
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Local governments on alert over recent ADA lawsuits; Websites alleged to lack Braille access for the blind, and closed captioning for the deaf
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MrTim
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Illinois demanding $2 million from strip club; State claims club didn't collect taxes from lap dances, also wants late fees & penalties, strippers might also be charged for not issuing receipts
https://www.dcclothesline.com/2019/01/08/americas-most-messed-up-state-illinois-is-now-taxing-lap-dances/ |
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MrTim
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Reading: Will it catch on? Despite their best efforts, teachers in schools are skeptical
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MrTim
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Lawyers lining up to sue comedians for telling unfunny jokes; "We can't get back those precious minutes of your life you lost listening to their drivel, but we can get you a lot of money!"
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MrTim
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Gillette insultingly telling men they need to start shaving their legs; Financial experts warn company that their PR tactic will fail and that they will be taking a razor to their own stock prices instead
https://hotair.com/archives/2019/01/14/gillette-gets-woke-releases-ad-bullying-metoo-toxic-masculinity/ |
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MrTim
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Government shutdown affecting diet companies; With FDA closed, approval of tapeworms to aid in weight loss is being seriously delayed
Not for much longer. Some tech companies are developing lens coatings that block most lasers. Of course, mil drones probably already have that... |
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MrTim
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BREAKING: Full cart of luggage returned to the Halls of Congress after Trump cancels Pelosi's foreign trip; Speaker reputably fuming over lost opportunity to stock up on towels and small soaps from hotels
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MrTim
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Sources reporting that Pelosi is still fuming about her canceled trip; "She had her heart set on getting real Belgian waffles" say insiders
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MrTim
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Psychologist explains why you don't win any money on lottery scratch-off tickets: "You are giving your money to someone in the hope that they'll give you a lot more back, but that person doesn't want to pay you anything at all"; In tomorrow's news, your odds of catching a unicorn are better than ever!
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MrTim
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Washington state pushing to ban e-cigs; Enviros worried that the devices will wash into the sea and that otters, whales, will take up vaping
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MrTim
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Shortage of winter coats in Florida as unprepared residents make run on clothing stores; Coming cold snap expected to drop temps into the 60's
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MrTim
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Study finds that most of today's kids don't know how to dial a rotary phone; Some even freak out when left alone in a room with one and it starts ringing
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MrTim
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No candy hearts with sappy Valentine's sayings this year; Jewelry industry says you should up your gift game with some shiny bling instead
https://www.marketwatch.com/story/sorry-sweethearts-americas-most-popular-valentines-day-candy-wont-be-on-shelves-this-year-2019-01-23 |
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MrTim
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Grandma may soon be going to jail for selling her home remedies; It is now a Federal crime to sell anti-dandruff shampoo without a warning that it is for external use only
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MrTim
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Antarctica will be warmer than many parts of the Midwest over the next few days; Balmy summer Antarctica temps to be about -14, areas in Midwest to drop into mid minus twenties
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MrTim
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Would-be thieves warned not to snatch Caitlyn Jenner's purse; Though elderly, she can still outrun you and deliver a beatdown
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MrTim
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Study finds that baby pictures are not the most common photos taken of people; Instead, nearly every person has had their picture taken standing next to a car with a water hose at some point
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MrTim
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Believe it or not, ^^ that's ^^ true. Check your photo albums!
Groundhog Day Conspiracy! This year's ceremonies were faked by using fake groundhogs; Despite being well guarded, 'celebrity' groundhogs were eaten by wandering hoboes, hence the deception |
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