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MrTim
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Vaccine supplies short as "Kung Flu" virus continues spreading; Researchers report the strain is so virulent, it "will kick you in the face and knock you flat on your ass"
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MrTim
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Abracadavera! Body-snatching magician escapes custody after being caught making corpses "vanish" from morgue
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regulus
Junior Executive Joined: 17 Apr 2008 Location: Nova Catacumba Status: Offline Points: 4436 |
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World to end at 10:00, News at 11:00
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Poiuyt Power!!!
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MrTim
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Teletubbies shot dead by police! While reaching for the controls on their TV stomachs, police opened fire, believing they were about to set off bomb vests
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MrTim
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TSA being careful and doing it's job (because it might have been loaded):
https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2017/05/that-time-the-tsa-found-a-scientists-3d-printed-mouse-penis/527673/?utm_source=fark&utm_medium=website&utm_content=link&ICID=ref_fark |
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MrTim
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Wearing a fur coat made of rat pelts can be dangerous to your health; Animals like cats, dogs, and pythons often instinctively attack what they perceive as a mass of tasty vermin
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MrTim
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In a survey, adults were more likely to think potatoes were 'yucky' than pre-schoolers, after finding out they were grown in dirt. With worms
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MrTim
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Popular squirrel resembling Abraham Lincoln assassinated; 'Fearless Girl' Wall Street statue gets naughty pug companion
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MrTim
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Trump not upset by Kathy Griffin's stunt, instead tweets: "Why is Kathy Griffin holding up the severed head of Alec Baldwin?"
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MrTim
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Unwanted pregnancy prevented; Trump pulls USA out of Paris Climate Accords early
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MrTim
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San Francisco to ban robots to prevent loss of $15/hour minimum wage jobs; However, 'undocumented' robots will still be able to work for much less due to 'sanctuary city' status
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MrTim
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Longevity study finds that Danes live about a year and a half longer than anybody else; However, they are miserable and bored during that time
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MrTim
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Mystery of why a camera adds 10 pounds to a picture remains unsolved; Photographers still unable to take pictures of weight scales reading zero
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MrTim
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The EU Report: Denmark still unhappy as they spend another day miserable and bored
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MrTim
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In Financial News: Popular financial seminar continues to sell out, even at $40 per person to attend; People thrilled to learn how to get rich by simply saving their money
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PaWolf
Revolutionary Hoary Ol' Chestnut... doncha know.... Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Location: GreatWhiteNorth Status: Offline Points: 40769 |
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Tonight, PaW made the world a better place by making paste out of two cockroaches he found procreating on the kitchen floor. No joke - he got them on the down-stroke with just one poke.
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X <sig.nature>
"What we do for ourselves dies with us, What we do for others is and remains immortal." - Albert Pike |
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MrTim
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Couples using Chess to improve their marriage; Playing the game erotically usually ends in a mate
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PaWolf
Revolutionary Hoary Ol' Chestnut... doncha know.... Joined: 15 Apr 2008 Location: GreatWhiteNorth Status: Offline Points: 40769 |
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Fixed it for you! You're welcome, MrT
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X <sig.nature>
"What we do for ourselves dies with us, What we do for others is and remains immortal." - Albert Pike |
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MrTim
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Missing minutes of Comey's Senate testimony recovered: Senators asked "Mr. Comey, can you show us on this doll where the President touched you?" (more at link)
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MrTim
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U.N.'s desperate plea for funding goes unheeded; Only a third of $6.1 billion goal for humanitarian aid reached, reducing administrators' and recipients' expected large embezzlement of cash to "disappointing levels"
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MrTim
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Punishment fits the crime: Man robs bank, hoping to be put in jail far away from his wife, instead gets sentenced to house arrest |
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MrTim
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Two-thirds of the people who tune in to the Candy Crush game show get bored while watching and instead play the original game on their cell phones; Other third watches porn or cat videos
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MrTim
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Smartphone addiction may be impossible to break; Millions obsessed 24/7 with following monkeys trained to randomly text "because they may eventually say something interesting"
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MrTim
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City-wide typo error changes city of Orlando's name to Rolando; Mayor says "It's cheaper to just change the name than what it will cost to reprint everything correctly. Besides, people love it!"
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MrTim
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Vision study shows that people gradually lose their eyesight as they read long sentences.
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