The Baby Bulldozer

As my girlfriend and I squeezed past 250 of Hollywood's Slowest People this weekend at the Grove, I remarked, "SUV's aren't enough anymore. Now they have to have SUV's for their babies."

It's horrifyingly true. No longer limited to the look-at-my-big-rock newly married sandal-wearing white yuppie couple, the giant navy blue Baby Shopping Cart phenomenon now crosses racial and economic borders. Armenians, Persians, Hispanics, Asians, Blacks, all of them with baby carriers wider than the escalator and taller than their oldest child.

Clogging up the paths of shoppers everywhere, these plastic monstrosities often contain piles of shopping bags, purses, grocery bags, extra sandals, sunscreen, diapers, and no baby whatsoever.

The Baby Bulldozer is a total nuisance. There's no way around it, over it, or through it, and the oncoming parent inevitably steers it directly toward your feet.

f**k that sh*t.
I told my girlfriend if I have a baby I'm carrying it in a backpack.
I'll stay the f**k out of everybody's way if they stay out of mine.

You. With the overflowing pillow-top hooded navy blue segway-wheeled double-decker 4-foot-wide plastic Baby Escalade. Why don't you just carry your baby in your huge giant purse instead of putting purse and baby inside that obese excuse for a stroller? Or why don't you just stay home?

drive thru supermarket!





hold on I just got you were talking about!

here's an image of ours (this one NOT in the best shape) I found on Flickr, I see these a lot of these at our Stop & Shop, so much that I think they replaced the motorized carts (where'd the hell they go?) in terms of frequency.





they don't bother me, but then again I haven't had the great privilege of being stuck behind them!

We got two blue ones in our local store. Imagine how germ infested those babies (carts) are!

The other day I happened to walk by someone who was gleefully saying "Well, people should just get the f*ck out of my way anyway. I mean, look, I have a stroller!" Then her friend laughed in agreement.

How the hell do some people get so damn entitled?

My mother pushed me in a folding stroller the width of a newspaper. A folded newspaper.
That's 30 years ago. You're saying I should compare to what we had 100 years ago?

Kat, nobody needs to push their baby down the sidewalk in a snowplow.

This thing is neither stupid nor dangerous, and it doesn't steamroll over my foot.

Most parents I know try to hand their stuff down.

It's a wonder she survived...

Funny thing is last week me and one of my friends were talking about the same thing while we were in the mall. She noticed how it seemed like just about every stroller looked like it was half the size of a Harley Davidson.

On the other hand you have idiots of all sorts that park they're carts and or "Baby Bulldozers" in the aisle and then get all snippy when your trying to get by. While parked, they're usually one of two things

A - On The Cell Phone

B - Blabbing to someone else in the aisle.

Seriously when I see someone coming I think I usually try to move out of the way so they can get by.

One day on the T during the morning rush hour (the trains were backed up due to some usual ineptitude on the part of dispatch), I see a woman trying to squeeze a MASSIVE baby-SUV on the train.  Yes, the center section of the train is lower and wider so as to accommodate people in motorized wheelchairs, but...this thing was fully six feet long and probably four wide.  Even if the car wasn't crowded it would have been a tight fit...it was trying to violate every law of physics in existence by being on the train.

When I finally fought my way off the train, I almost broke my leg falling onto the platform after tripping over Baby Of The Year's limo (it was blocking the doors on both sides pretty much).

No, this was in Brookline (Coolidge Corner); Strollerzilla got on at the next inbound stop (I never, ever see people with strollers there).  Wouldn't a packed-to-the-gills train be obvious to someone waiting?

When I was a pup my mom had one of those umbrella strollers that are little more than a folding aluminum frame with wheels (rudimentary plastic locks) and a cloth seat with a harness; I didn't die or get mauled by the thing.  If anything, I'd think that the baby-SUVs would be less safe--what happens if they fall over and the kid is either tied in so securely they can't fall out, or crushed by all the other crap inside?

Originally posted by kat I admit really huge strollers are stupid, but look back in time. It's not like baby buggies were any smaller.

True, but back then there wasn't really public transportation as it exists now (tons of people trying to pack into a space that does not expand no matter how much they may wish it to).

Most buses here have only two designated spaces at the front of the bus for electric wheelchairs/scooters (seats along the wall fold up and there are tethers to secure the scooter).  One on each side of the main aisle.  Two scooters at a time can fit; yes four seats get sacrificed, but it works.

Recently I've seen (all on the same bus): one scooter, two Strollerzillas, two smaller-but-still-huge Eddie Bauer monstrosities, and two umbrella strollers.  I wound up going two stops past my intended one (not a big deal as the walk wasn't bad) one day simply because of the time it took to finally fight my way off.

Often the kid is walking next to the empty stroller holding onto the side.

Originally posted by NathanAlexander Often the kid is walking next to the empty stroller holding onto the side.

Ugh I HATE this, it's almost always the case at work. I hate them not only for obvious reasons, but people walking with empty strollers are potential thieves, so I have to pay extra attention to them. By the time they can walk, why do they still need a gigantic stroller? Umbrella stroller or no stroller at all IMO.