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Charmin Bears and SKIDMARKS!

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Synesthesia View Drop Down
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    Posted: 09 Dec 2012 at 2:55am
These stupid bears do not even WEAR PANTS or any other kind of clothes. HOW THE HELL DO THEY HAVE UNDERWEAR LET ALONE SKIDMARKS? Dead And why do we even need to know that about these stupid bears!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jimbo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Dec 2012 at 3:03am
Yeah, we've discussed those crap-smearing bears around here before.
 
Ass-wiping bears is a nasty subject.
 
Besides, we all know bears wipe their butts on tree trunks.
 
 
Great news guys.... With the Air Hawk, flat balls are no longer a problem!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Synesthesia Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Dec 2012 at 3:19am
Only they went and MADE IT EVEN WORSE! Dead
Is this love big enough to watch over me?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote 70s80s Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Dec 2012 at 3:38am
They hopped on the CGI bandwagon.  Angry
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (1) Thanks(1)   Quote Moochamoocha Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Dec 2012 at 3:48am
Enough with the sh*tting bears already!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Dec 2012 at 4:11am
Originally posted by Jimbo Jimbo wrote:

Yeah, we've discussed those crap-smearing bears around here before.
 
Ass-wiping bears is a nasty subject.
 
Besides, we all know bears wipe their butts on tree trunks.
 
 
But they prefer soft & fuzzy rabbits, when they can get them....  LOL
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote EMCEE Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Dec 2012 at 4:47am
Originally posted by MrTim MrTim wrote:

Originally posted by Jimbo Jimbo wrote:

Yeah, we've discussed those crap-smearing bears around here before.
 
Ass-wiping bears is a nasty subject.
 
Besides, we all know bears wipe their butts on tree trunks.
 
 
But they prefer soft & fuzzy rabbits, when they can get them....  LOL


Do you have a problem with sh*t sticking to your fur? LOL
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jimbo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Dec 2012 at 4:54am
Originally posted by MrTim MrTim wrote:

Originally posted by Jimbo Jimbo wrote:

Yeah, we've discussed those crap-smearing bears around here before.
 
Ass-wiping bears is a nasty subject.
 
Besides, we all know bears wipe their butts on tree trunks.
 
 
But they prefer soft & fuzzy rabbits, when they can get them....  LOL
 
Those are the one that become chocolate Easter bunnies. Tongue
 
 
Great news guys.... With the Air Hawk, flat balls are no longer a problem!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hezadancer Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Dec 2012 at 6:21pm
I hate the one with the mom bear doing laundry, just tossing all the clothes into the washer without looking. Then she comes to the underpants and stretches them out with a smile, before noticing the ass treads and frowning, before smiling again and shaking her head. Why the hell was she smiling at her child's underpants in the first place? Ohhh my baby is all grown up, look at his big boy underwear? Gross. No mom is sitting there, admiring her kids underpants. That sh*t goes into the washer in handfuls.
It's ok, I'm in marketing!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote aka ron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Dec 2012 at 9:32pm
Can't we just wipe along!!!  There is just one organ in the body that can tell the difference between a liquid and a solid.  It was a SHART.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote PaWolf Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Dec 2012 at 9:56pm
Originally posted by lkl005 lkl005 wrote:

Can't we just wipe along!!!  There is just one organ in the body that can tell the difference between a liquid and a solid.  It was a SHART.
AngryHomey don'play 'dat!
I like gettin' my ass kissed. 'Kissed and cleaned by the female servatude of the pack'. And, well...if they read this, I'm dead.
 
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote aka ron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Dec 2012 at 10:10pm
Yes Paw, I am the only alpha male amongst my pack. When I see our proud loyal german shepherd, (related to the wolf)   licking herself. I only have envy.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Tiz Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 09 Dec 2012 at 10:18pm
Is this the commercial?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote zippyjet Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Dec 2012 at 3:41am
Thanks for nothing! I laughed so hard, I almost burned the roof of my mouth with my home made chicken soup and it almost came out my nose! You know, there is a fetish dedicated to anything that deals with poop! Those bears were just "dropping the kids off at the pool!"
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote MrTim Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Dec 2012 at 4:41am
Originally posted by Hezadancer Hezadancer wrote:

I hate the one with the mom bear doing laundry, just tossing all the clothes into the washer without looking. Then she comes to the underpants and stretches them out with a smile, before noticing the ass treads and frowning, before smiling again and shaking her head. Why the hell was she smiling at her child's underpants in the first place? Ohhh my baby is all grown up, look at his big boy underwear? Gross. No mom is sitting there, admiring her kids underpants. That sh*t goes into the washer in handfuls.
 
I'd like to see her rip the head off the creepy Snuggle bear and throw the corpse into the washer to use as detergent....  LOL
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Angry McPisseron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Dec 2012 at 3:26pm
Here are a couple of "TV battles" that feature the Snuggles laundry bear and the Charmin shiitting bears:
 
ROUND 3: DELL RAT-BOY STEVE vs. THE SNUGGLES DRYER BEAR. 
This event shall take place in a public laundry room, equipped with 10 washers, 10 dryers, a soap vending machine, an automatic bill changer, and 1 utility sink; and a small restroom equipped with 1 washbasin, 1 wall-mounted porcelain urinal, 1 toilet bowl with cistern & standard flush mechanism, and several meters of handicapped railing. 

The Snuggles Bear takes a *very* early lead, taking home field advantage. He quickly grabs some Bounce dryer sheets and shoves them down Steve's throat, watering them in with a bottle of Snuggle. Steve quickly gags and chokes, expelling the toxic laundry waste, and goes right for the computerized coin changer. "DAMMIT, THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN A DELL!" he curses, as he rips the machine open with a conveniently placed tire iron. He pulls out a bundle of wire, and goes after Snuggle Bear with it. But the little stub-footed bear is too quick for Steve, so he heads back to the changer and grabs a few rolls of quarters. He quickly rifles through somebody's laundry tub and steals a sock, into which he deposits two rolls of quarters. He charges after Snuggles once more, clocking him right in the gut with the sock weapon. The diminutive little bear goes flying, and smashes right through the front glass of a soap vending machine. Snuggles grabs a single-use box of Tide With Bleach out of the smashed machine, rips the top off, and peppers Steve right in the eyes with the burning powder! Steve staggers over to the utility sink and quickly douches out his stinging eyes. He spies a mop bucket with a soured mop in it. "Maybe later" he thinks. Steve reaches under the sink and rips the pee trap out of the wall, and once again goes after Snuggles with it. Time for a little hockey action. Down the center, around the folding table, and under the ironing board he goes. Smack! Down goes the ironing board, hot irons clattering across the floor. "Missed me, Dell Fag!" says the little bear. This infuriates Steve, so he throws the pee trap as hard as he can at the bear, missing again. But he did manage to punch the little pipe right through the front of a washer, causing it to spew suds and hot water ALL OVER Snuggles!!!
Steve then grabs one of the fallen irons and plants it firmly on Snuggle's cheek. SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSsssssssss goes the hot iron, leaving a black, iron-shaped scorch mark right on Snuggles' face. The newly-tattooed Snuggles scampers behind the smashed washer and tears the drain hose out of the wall, then starts beating the living sh*t out of Steve with it. "YOU SHOULD HAVE BOUGHT A FUKKING DELL!!" says Snuggles in that high-pitched F46607Y voice, as he's giving Steve a thorough ass beating with the rubber washing machine hose. Steve barely manages to escape, and locks himself in the bathroom. Who would have known Snuggles had a fukking key?!? Within minutes, the doorknob starts to turn, and there stands Snuggles, madder than a piss ant and holding up a pair of seriously menstruated women's panties. Steve backs away in terror of the dirty underwear, then picks up a toilet brush and swats the soiled panties into the toilet. He quickly ducks out of the bathroom and goes for that soured mop. Like a jousting knight, he dashes headlong into the bathroom, and uses the filthy smelly mop to smack Snuggles over and over and over again. Soon, Snuggles is so fukking filthy and smelly and gross, nobody can stand it anymore - and neither can Snuggles himself. He curls up behind the toilet. Oh, this is too perfect. Steve rips off two sections of the handicap railing from around the toilet, and uses them like chopsticks to pick up the filthy stinky bear and throw him in the toliet. With a flick of the silver handle, the bear goes round and round. Damn, it isn't going down. Steve picks up the toilet plunger and starts furiously pumping at the bowl, joyously yelling "HASTA LA VISTA SNUGGLES, DOWN THE SHIITBOWL YOU GO!! 

THE WINNER ROUND 3: DELL "RAT BOY" STEVE!!!
 
=================================================

ROUND TWENTY SIX: THE STAY PUFT MARSHMALLOW MAN vs. THE CHARMIN SHIITTING BEARS
This battle shall take place on the floor of the Charmin toilet paper factory; and a bit later, move to the woods just adjacent to that factory. The factory is equipped with what you'd expect to find in a factory that makes toilet tissue: a number of conveyor belts in different speeds, vats of steaming wood pulp, large ovens for drying the wood pulp, machines that cut the perforations in the finished toilet rolls, and machines that put plastic wrapping over 2, 4, 6, 8, and 9 rolls at a time. There is also a large "test" bathroom equipped with 35 American Standard Neorest 500 Elongated One Piece Tankless Toliets with Integrated Washlet* (a "Washlet" is a type of bidet) and 70 rolls of Charmin Extra Strong with Butt Pillows. 

The contestants do not necessarily have to ***USE*** everything here, but they are at their disposal if needed -- or if desired. 

The Charmin Shiitting Bears take first blood in this grudge match by simply going into the test bathroom and hurling many of the Charmin toilet rolls directly at the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, but since they're light in weight (they're rolls of toilet tissue for Christ sakes!!!), they simply bounce harmlessly off the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man and roll away. 

The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man goes on the attack next...it tears bits off its body, wads those bitches up, put them in a drinking straw, puts the straw in his mouth, exhales sharply, and tries to fire them at the Charmin Shiitting Bears...but since these wads are MARSHMALLOW for heaven sakes, they too are light in weight and simply bounce harmlessly off the sh*tting Bears. 

The Shiitting Bears live up to their namesake, and really have to drop stools (pinch loaves, lay logs, make doo-doos, take dumps, take shiits, etc.) so they defecate into their hands and throw the stinky piles of bear shiit (some of the piles are colored reddish; others bluish, depending on which bear made them) directly at the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man!!! 

The piles of ursine feces whiz by his head one after another...but one of them grazes the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man's leg just above the ankle, forcing it to amputate the affected foot or forever be a stinker!!! 

The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is really pissed now, so it shiits into a little plastic bag (he doesn't want to besmudge his hands with feces!), holds the bag by the bottom, and launches the sticky poo directly at the Shiitting Bears...***SPLAT!!!*** Got the big red one!!! The Shiitting Bear that got nailed by the Stay Puft poo starts to become swollen and distended, soon explodes, and becomes worm food!!! The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man simply now needs to wipe out the blue one and he'll be victorius!!! Who knew that poo could be such a powerful thing?!? 

The one remaining Charmin sh*tting Bear (the blue one) tries to escape by running into the wooded area adjacent to the Charmin factory, but the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man not-so-stealthily follows it. The sh*tting Bear's only real weapon is its shiit, so it once again pooes into its hand and starts throwing the stinky piles at the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man. But they all miss; and the only thing that happens are that swarms of flies descend upon the little piles of shiit. 

In the background, you can hear part of the King of the Hill episode "Meet the Propaniacs" where Hank Hill tells Charlie Fortner, "The baby asked you for a diaper, mister pee-pee poo-poo pants!".
Guess some asshat that lives nearby has their boob tube turned up ***WAY*** too loudly!!! :-O 

The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man, realising that its poo is rather powerful, again defecates into a plastic bread bag it found at the perimeter of the toilet paper factory, holds it by the bottom, and lets 'er rip...
The marshmallow poo whizzes through the air...the blue Charmin Shiitting Bear says (in that stereotypical low, very slowed-down voice}, "Ooooooooo Noooooooooooooooo!!!!" followed by the sound of feces hitting animal fur!!! 

Success again!!!
The Charmin Shiitting Bear becomes swollen and distended, explodes, and becomes worm food!!! 

THE WINNER ROUND TWENTY SIX: THE STAY PUFT MARSHMALLOW MAN 

The toilets are equipped with Washlets in the event that one or more of the the testers find the toilet paper ineffectual; they can wash their bunghole with the Washlet and then pull up their drawers with relative confidence that their asses are poop-free.

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Thor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Dec 2012 at 4:08pm
Shocked
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote britastar Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Dec 2012 at 4:25pm
LOL
ilikestupidadssoshutup-MrsHill   

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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote ghostonthehorizon Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Dec 2012 at 4:26pm
Absolutely brilliant!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Jimbo Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Dec 2012 at 4:33pm
Originally posted by Tampon Submarine Tampon Submarine wrote:

Here are a couple of "TV battles" that feature the Snuggles laundry bear and the Charmin shiitting bears:
 
I'd love to see the animated version of that!!!
 
 
Great news guys.... With the Air Hawk, flat balls are no longer a problem!!!
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Thor Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 10 Dec 2012 at 4:43pm
Originally posted by Jimbo Jimbo wrote:

Originally posted by Tampon Submarine Tampon Submarine wrote:

Here are a couple of "TV battles" that feature the Snuggles laundry bear and the Charmin shiitting bears:
 
I'd love to see the animated version of that!!!
 
 
 
Don't give him any ideas.  LOL
 
 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote cynshoe Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Aug 2016 at 5:11pm
Yeah "enjoy the go", says these adorable crapping bears. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote crash1984 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Aug 2016 at 6:07pm
I always thought bears crapped in the woods. Or is it bears are Catholic and the pope is the one who craps in the woods?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote aka ron Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 13 Aug 2016 at 7:45pm
Originally posted by cynshoe cynshoe wrote:

Yeah "enjoy the go", says these adorable crapping bears. 
Welcome to the forum...cynshoe. Sorry, for me noticing that your location is (female).
 
Don't mind me, Wink.  Here is a recent video and a more recent thread. Enjoy CIH with us! Thumbs Up
 
 
Click on the blue button. Direct Link To This Post Topic: Cottonelle, Charmin, Angel Soft
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Big Bruddah Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 12 Sep 2016 at 3:56am
I hate those furry bastards as well!...They don't even seem to have assholes.

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